Life has been simply amazing lately! Like I can't think of one complaint. I feel content, happy, joyful, loved, at peace, and so many other positive emotions. Life is just perfect right now! God has blessed us with so much! I could not ask for more.
There have been a lot of changes that I and/or Tyler and I have made in the last few months or so. I am usually one to resist change. I don't like it, and I don't handle it well. Amazingly, all these changes that have happened I have had no problem with. In fact, I've welcomed them. And I'm glad I did, because it has made me a much happier and content person.
There have been those very obvious changes that have occurred in our lives recently, such as, buying a house and getting married! Then there are the smaller changes, such as choosing to let go of a friend, reconcile with those I once had grudges against, and a few other things. These changes, although small, have made just as huge of an impact on my life as those big changes! And each change is intertwined, and many changes are the result of other changes. Many of the changes are the actual reasoning behind the other changes. It's funny how intricate life is, and also how perfectly it all seems to work out. Everything happens for a reason. It sounds so cliche, but it is truth!
A while ago, shortly after Tyler and I got engaged, I decided that one of my biggest goals in life should be to be the best wife, daughter, friend, eventually mother, and person that I can possibly be. Each of us play so many different roles. I am a daughter, wife, niece, aunt, sister, granddaughter, cousin, friend, co worker, acquaintance, and much more. The goal I made for myself was to truly be the best in each of the roles that God has put me in. Well although I did try to be the best at all these things, I really didn't give it my all, until recently! I didn't really put my heart into this goal, until the last few months, and even more so the last few weeks. I have priorities, and it is better and more important to me to succeed in some of the roles more than the others. Like for now, my top priority is being the best wife to Tyler that I can be. He is the most important person in my life. "Two shall become one", he is my other half, and therefore, at the very top of the list. It will stay this way until we have a child. Then the child becomes top priority, because a child can not do for themselves, where as, my husband can. That's not to say I should just push him to the sideline and not try to strengthen and nuture our marriage, but well we won't go into all that at the moment.
The point is all of these recent small changes have stemed mainly from this goal. I have recently decided to discontinue a friendship, that at one time was very, very dear and precious to me! It was a friendship that at one point and time, I could not imagine not having. But it seems life suprises you and things change. I am not going to go into the details of what happened or what was said in order to bring me to the decision to chose not to be this person's friend. I don't feel that anybody needs to know that except for me and this person, and those extremely close to either one of us. In all honesty, the friendship basically ended a long time ago, not by any choice of my own. It was just never made official, until recently. I forgive easily and quickly and many times, but eventually I can't keep doing so. People change,, that's just part of life. People grow apart. It's no big deal. In fact, as bad as this may sound, ending this relationship (yes, a friendship is a relationship) was a huge relief to me. It was something that I had wanted to do for a while, but I didn't want to give up on something too easily. I wanted to make sure I gave it my all. And I truly think I did. But for some reason that friendship had become a burden in my life. And I think it had become a burden in the other person's life as well. A friendship should never be a burden. If it is, it is no longer a real friendship, and at that point it's just best to end that relationship, before things go badly. So with that said, it did feel like a burden was lifted off me when that decision was made.
It has felt very relieving not having that burden in my life. I know that sounds bad, but I don't feel bad in saying it. I don't feel bad, because I believe that the other person feels the same way, relieved. And don't get me wrong, I have no ill feelings towards this person. I have not spoken bad about this person to others. I don't have anything negative to say about this person. It was just how things worked out, and what was best for both of us. I still love and care about this person as a person. I still love and care about this person's family, but it's just for the best that we are no longer friends. You never know, maybe one day we will be friends again, when things change in life. I don't foresee it happening, but I also did not foresee us as ever not being friends, so who knows. Only God, and I'll let him lead the way :)
I've also recently reconciled with a few people that I was holding a grudge or two against. I've just felt so free and so wonderful, that I couldn't be angry or upset or even annoyed with anyone. I knew I had to let all those negative things go. And I did. And it's a wonderful thing. I've gained a few new friends, but most importantly I let go of the negativity. There is still one person I hold anger towards, and that is the person who sexually abused me. That wound will take a long time to heal. But with that said, healing is something I am working towards. I'm working towards it very hard! I had to put it on hold for a while, because life was pleasantly insane. But now, we are back in full swing with that as well.
I have really focused a lot on my family lately. That in itself has done wonders for me. I have found a best friend, in someone a year ago I would never thought possible could be considered my best friend. That person is my sister in law, Ashley. I love her to death! I truly feel like Tyler's family is my family. I feel no seperation from them just because I am an "in law" They are wonderful! Also, I got to spend a lot of quality time with my cousin, aunt, and the rest of the family over wedding weekend. This did me so much good, and I had forgotten how much I loved being around them! With that being said, I am going to make a huge effort to make sure I get to spend more time with them more often.
Spring is here, the season for new birth and growth. And it has been exactly that in my life as well, a season for new birth and growth. This has been the best time in my life. I have never been this happy! I have never felt more loved! I have never loved so much, and hated so little. I have never been so content. I have never felt so good about myself, life, and this world!!!! I'm excited about the future, and expect tomorrow to be another beautiful day!!!! Now if only I could get rid of those pesky allergies ;p
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