I'm Rich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rich: abounding in desirable elements or qualities

As most of you know, Tyler and I are not what most people would consider wealthy. So no, when I say I'm rich I do not mean having tons of money or possessions. When I say I'm rich I mean that I have so much of what I desire. My life of late has felt so complete! I have found true love. Well really I found it a little less than two years ago, but the point is that I have found it. Each day with Tyler gets better and better! I never thought that I was capable of trusting and loving someone as much as I trust and love Tyler. Before I met Tyler I had planned on never getting married. I felt it was a waste, and I didn't want to have to put that kind of faith and trust in another person. I didn't want to deal with the complications. And now I cannot wait to marry this person! I cannot wait to be called his wife. I cannot wait to spend forever with this amazing man. My opinion and desires changed, because I chose to open up. I put my faith and trust in this guy and found that life can be so rich.

I also thought that I would never be able to rid myself of my constant fear of getting hurt or my rather persistent anxiety and depression. But it seems I have or I have at least begun to. That's not to say I don't get stressed out or sad from time to time, but it's normal human emotions, not a persistent, impenetrable sadness. I am of course am still picky about who I open up to, but it is no longer out of fear. I'm not scared of getting hurt. I'm not scared to open up. I'm letting more and more people in and allowing myself to truly love and trust these people. I express my feelings as I feel them rather than bottling them up. I feel so full of joy, peace, and life. I've never been so content in all of my life.

Now that I am beginning to really open up to others and not isolate myself I am gaining new and strengthening the old relationships in my life. There's Tyler of course. Like I said before, everyday with him gets better. I fall more and more in love with him all the time. Our relationship grows stronger daily. Then there's my family. I have always been close with my mom and Matthew. But I'm learning to work on the relationship with my dad. This is going to be a very hard thing for me to do. He asked me to begin to trust him with little things and go on from there. And that is exactly what I am doing. He's my father and I love him, despite all that he has done. But I can no longer let the pains from the past effect my future. Ashley and I have also begun to get closer. I love her to pieces. And honestly I have been growing even closer with every single one of Tyler's family members. They have always loved me, and I'm thankful for that, but it has only been recently that I have put my guard down and opened up to them. God has given me the strength to rid myself of these fears, and it is such a blessing. I am rich in loving family members. Then there are my friends. There is Shannon, who I love so much. We've gotten a lot closer recently, and I think that that is mainly because I have actually let her in. I wish I had done it before now, because she is an amazing friend and person! My life is so much richer with her in it! Then there is Kari. We don't hang out as much as we use to, because life has been insanely busy for the both of us, but still I have felt closer to her lately than ever. Maybe it's going through some of the same things at the same time. Or maybe it is just merely the fact that I am truly opening up to her and others, so that she knows my true feelings. I think I might drive her crazy with the whole, " I'm feeling this right now so I need to let you know." Kari and Shannon are my two best friends, and my life is richer because of that!

I could go on and on about how rich my life is and what makes it that way. I am just thankful to God that he has and continues to do so much in my life. He continues to change me and bless me. Every fall I go through an episode of depression. It usually starts in September and begins to get better around the end of December. Well I haven't had a problem with it at all this year. The first year since I can remember. Granted the time period isn't over yet, but I just hope and pray that God will continue to bless me with happiness. All these positive changes in my life I think are what is keeping me healthy and sane. I am content. I am joyful. God is good. Life is good. My blessings are abundant. And my life is rich, so very rich!!!!!