I want...... I want....... I want.......

I came to the realization the other day when Tyler said that he never knows what to get me as a present, because I never want anything, that I have become a very selfish and materialistic individual. My answer to Tyler was, "There are plenty of things I want" and then I went down the list of things that I wanted. It use to be that I truly did not want anything. When someone would ask me what I wanted for my Birthday or Christmas I honestly could not answer them. It wasn't because I didn't want to answer them. It was because I truly could not think of anything that I wanted. I was completely content with life. I had far less than we do now, but yet I never wanted anything. It seems the more we've gotten the more I want. I use to never think twice about helping a friend out or doing things for and serving others, but now I hesitate when someone wants my help.

When did I become such a self-centered person? I know that my relationship with God has suffered and been very well, rocky, over the last few years. God's been very good to me and he constantly seeks me out, but I've continued to do things my own way, instead of serving and seeking him. I know that this has caused my heart to harden. It's been a slow and gradual process. Slow enough that I hadn't really noticed the change in me. I hadn't really noticed until Tyler made that statement. And now all I can think in my head is, "Why do I want so much?" Getting that whole list of things I want won't make me any happier, and getting all those things I want won't make the world a better place.

Some people that know me now I wish they had been able to know me before. I never worried. I knew God had everything taken care of.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?" Matthew 6:25-27 I never worried. I never wanted. I was at peace. All these things around me was just stuff. It wasn't a human soul that needed to be saved or a love that needed to be rekindled, it was just things. It didn't matter. And it still shouldn't matter to me.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21
I can't take any of it with me, so why do I want it?

I want to go back to living the simple life, and I'm going to try to. I don't think money is the root of all evil. And I also don't think it is wrong to have or want things. It's just when what you want becomes more important than other things or when you try to buy happiness then it's a problem. I have all I need and more. The only way I will change is if I once again allow Jesus to change me. Soon we will celebrate his birth, and I need to remember once again what Christmas is all about. It's all about God coming into this world in human form, the form of newborn baby Jesus. It's all about his ultimate sacrifice, his amazing and unconditional love, and his abundant mercy and grace! I can't change on my own. I can't make myself not want. I can't make myself want to serve and love on others. But God can. He can change me. He can soften my heart. He can wash away the sins, and make me clean once again! He is God and he is Everything. I can put my trust in only him. If I want to live an abundant and meaningful life it has to be through him. There is no other way! On my own I'm pretty useless.