One Hundred Days

Exactly one hundred days from tomorrow I will be a married woman. I know to most this is no big deal, and to be honest I think everybody is tired of hearing about it. But to me, this concept seems so weird and foreign. I'm excited to get married, but most days I still feel like a kid playing pretend. When I put on my wedding dress I just feel like a little girl playing dress up. I'm unsure of whether or not I'll ever feel like I'm old enough for this. I'm still not sure exactly when I became an adult. Fourteen is definitely how I feel most days. I know I have grown up and changed a lot since fourteen. If I still acted now like I did when I was fourteen none of you would like me. lol. I pay bills and work and drive. So I know in my head I am not fourteen. But it just doesn't feel like I should be going on 23.


I was at the physical therapist yesterday. I was laying on this stirofoam tube thing in order to stretch my back. There was another patient there and the two physical therapists. Well they were talking about getting IDed when they buy alcohol. One of the ladies said that ever since she moved to NC she never gets IDed. I said well I always get IDed, but then again I look like I'm 16. The other patient that was there said in shock, "How old are you?" I respond with, "I'm 22" And I hear a pause from the physical therapist and the patient. Then the other patient says, "Oh good. I thought you were about 16 and had that engagement ring on your finger." I was just like, "no." And then shortly after that I suddenly got treated like an adult by both the physical therapist and the other patient. I got more respect. This happens often to me, and it annoys me greatly. I just continually try to remind myself that in twenty years from now I will greatly appreciate the fact that I look significantly younger than I am.


So I wonder if the reason I feel like I'm still a teenager is, because I still look like I'm still one. It's sad, but Tyler's fifteen year old sister and his brother's sixteen year old girlfriend look older than me. Oh well that's life. But still when will I feel my age. My mom says that she has never felt her age. She said she always feels like she's about ten years younger than she is. So perhaps I'll never feel my age. And maybe I'm just meant to feel like I'm playing Cinderella on my wedding day.


Last week, Tyler and I, had his brother, Jordan, and Jordan's girlfriend, Allie, over. Jordan is 18 and Allie is 16. Well two things happened that night. One I had more fun than I have had in a VERY long time. And two, I realized I had no idea what was "cool" these days. I also realized that I don't goof off or laugh nearly as much as I should. So that is one of my many New Years Resolutions. I just need to have more fun :) I need to stop worrying so much. God's got it taken care of. I'm not saying reckless, irresponsible fun like I use to, but just fun. Goofing off and acting like a young teenage girl once in a while can do a person good :)

Tonight Tyler, Matthew, and I are going to the hockey game. It should be tons of fun. It always is. I don't know what we are doing afterwards, but we'll figure it out. My plan is to not worry and just go with the flow.No worrying about wedding planning tonight. No worrying about how messy the house is. No worrying about anything. I just want to have fun. Granted I wish there was another girl there, because I would just have more fun with another girl, but that's life.

I know this blog took many different turns, but I kind of just wrote what was on my mind. I hope all of you have a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!