Motherhood changes EVERYTHING!

Motherhood changes EVERYTHING! This year is my first Mother's Day, and I am very excited about it. I'm not excited about it because of any gifts I may receive. I'm just excited to celebrate the fact that I am a mother to a truly amazing little girl. I'm excited to celebrate the fact that God has blessed me with this little angel. From the day I found out I was pregnant my life completely changed, and for the better. It changed even more the first moment I laid eyes on my baby girl.


Love: I didn't know it was possible to love someone so deeply until I held Alice for the first time. I believe I love my husband just as much as my daughter, but it's a completely different type of love. It's more intense. It's protective. It's selfless. It's sacrificial. I would do anything for that little girl. And it grows every single day. I thought I understood how deep a mother's love is before I had a child, but I didn't. It's beyond description, but I know so many other mothers out there understand it. And to realize this is just a shadow of how much God loves us. I stand in awe of that!


How I Love and View Others: My husband is an AMAZING man. I don't know what I would do without him. He's always there for me. He supports me. He deals with my intensity and insistence on doing everything perfectly for Alice, even when I'm going a little overboard. When he holds me all the tension leaves my body. I've loved this man for over 5 years now. That love has constantly grown over the years, but it went through a huge growth spurt when Alice came into our lives. Tyler loves Alice. He is head over heels for that little girl. He's an incredible dad. Those things make me fall in love with him all over again. The fact is Alice has become the key to my heart. If you love her and treat her right I will love you.


I've always loved and respected my mom. She's a strong woman. She's been through so much, but she's still not bitter. She's loving and selfless. Now that I'm a mother myself, I see her in a completely different light. To think that my Mom loves me as much as I love Alice brings tears to my eyes every single time I think about it. The fact that someone could love me that much. Wow. What else can I say to that? I love her more. I respect her more. I understand her more. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have a mother like her.


I thought I wouldn't understand how it would feel to be a mother in law for many, many years. But then I really thought about it. I realized how much I love and care about those who love and care about Alice. When Alice grows up and meets someone who loves her as much as I love Tyler and he loves me. Someone who treats her with just as much respect and cares about her to that degree, then how could I not love him? How could I not welcome him with open arms into our family? How could I not treat him like a son? Would I love him the same way and as much as I love Alice? I doubt it, but still I would love him. I've always very much appreciated how well Tyler's mom has treated me. I have felt very much a part of their family. Tyler's mom has treated me as one of her own daughters. She's welcomed me with open arms from early on. I've always been so thankful for this, but I'm just now beginning to understand it.


I love and care for my other mommy friends more than ever before. Don't get me wrong here, I really love and care about my friends who are not parents as well. I just now view mothers in a different way. I love all of my friend's children (or grandchildren in some cases). Some of these kids I've only met once or twice, but I love them so much. I would protect them. I care deeply about them. I love their moms so I love them. I just feel like mothers (and fathers too) are connected with their kids in such a way that it's hard for me to love one and not the other.


I also am now less likely to judge a mother on how she is raising her child. There are some genuinely bad mothers out there. I'm talking about mothers who neglect or abuse their children, but I believe the majority of parents out there do what they feel is best for their child. Being a mom is hard work, no matter how much help you have or how easy a child you have. Alice has been such an easy, happy baby, and I have a lot more help (from family and friends) than a lot of people. That still doesn't mean there haven't been a few times where I've wanted to pull my hair out and cry. Thankfully I can count those times on one hand, but I'm pretty sure the number will go up dramatically the older Alice gets. There are no perfect moms out there, and what works best for me and Tyler and Alice, won't always work best for another child. There's also no perfect or best way to raise a child. Every child is an individual and has his or her own unique characteristics and needs. So each parent must have a unique way to raise their own child. I realize this more and more each day.


My Passions: Before I had Alice I couldn't tell you exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't have any subject that I was overly passionate about. It's a different story now. As I'm sure all of you reading this know by now, I had an unintended natural birth with Alice. I wouldn't have had it any other way now. Don't get me wrong, at the time I was screaming for my epidural. Now though I couldn't be more thankful that I didn't get it. I can't explain to anyone who hasn't been through it exactly how it feels to let your body take control during the birthing process. I was at a standstill for so long during the labor. The pain was there, just not the progression. Once I went home after trip number one to the hospital I just did what felt right and natural. I let my body tell me what was best. I got into positions that felt right and eased the pain. I had Tyler pressing on my back constantly (back labor's not fun). I got under the hot water. I swayed back and forth when needed. I listened to my body. I felt so in tune with my body. It was still the worst pain I've ever experienced. But it was a good pain. The minute I let my body take over was the minute I started progressing. I wish I could put into words how incredible that experience was.


Ever since then I have become very passionate about natural birth. In fact, I think I annoy people sometimes with how passionate I am about it. I've also started really looking into doing other things more naturally. I cloth diaper now. I did some research and realized that was the best way to go for us. I am bound and determined that my child will have breast milk, despite the fact that has not been an easy road at all for us. I encourage other people to do it, but I don't push this subject. I know people will do what is best for their child and family in the end, and it's certainly not a sin to get an epidural or use disposable diapers or formula. What truly matters in the end is that your child is loved and cared for. The means of getting there are different for each person. I also did baby led weaning with Alice starting around six and a half months. I prefer to give her organic food. As one friend told me, “You've turned into a hippie.”


With all that said I've decided my ultimate goal is to become a midwife. There's an absolute beauty in birth that I never knew about before. What I'd like to do is become a direct entry midwife, but at the present moment that's not an option. Unfortunately, NC is one of ten states that ban direct entry midwives from practicing. So for now I'm going to get trained as a doula and go from there. It may take a while to get where I want to be, but it's a start.


My Emotions: It's never taken much to make me cry, but it's like tear city these days. I cry whenever Alice hits any milestone or does anything that indicates she's growing up. It's ridiculous at times. Watching her grow is so bittersweet. I want her to grow and change and learn about the world. I get excited when she does something new, but at the same time it makes me sad to see how very fast she's growing up. She's 8 months old already, and I'd swear I just had her 2 months ago. I also cry anytime I see a commercial or watch something on TV about a baby. I'm a mess these days. I like to blame the hormones since I'm still BFing, but I'm not so sure that's the cause. I think it has more to do with the fact that my heart is crawling around on the floor and getting into things. It's much more susceptible when it's not tucked away.


Becoming a mother has been the greatest, most incredible thing that has ever happened to me. That little girl brings so much joy to my life. She's my little sunshine. She's been such a blessing to me and Tyler.


Motherhood has changed me in so many ways, but being a mother does not define me. It is merely another part of who I am. It's a very significant part, but still just a part. It's the most important thing I do, but not the only thing I do. I'm also a wife, a daughter, a sister, a survivor, a friend, and so much more.


HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all of the other mothers that I am fortunate enough to call friends and family. You are amazing women, and your children are blessed to have you!


P.S. I promise I'll put an update  blog on Alice and everything that she's doing these days up soon. I've had family and friends who don't live nearby asking for updates. :-)