Butterflies and Flowers

I honestly have no clue what to write about today. I'm writing mainly because work is painfully slow. There are exactly fifty days until the wedding. I had a dream last night about putting on my wedding dress, and I was upset in my dream, because the dress was black and white, rather than all white. My medicine makes me dream a lot, and those dreams are usually very vivid. I don't really think much about them. But clearly, in the back of my mind I am worried that something will go wrong on our wedding day. I am slightly concerned about that, but I have to keep reminding myself, that in the end all that really matters is that I marry the love of my life! I could fall walking down the aisle (this is one of my biggest fears, because I do not walk well in heels), someone could drop the cake, the food could be horrible, and it could rain. But really none of that would matter, as long as I make the commitment of marriage to Tyler.

We also move into our house in a little less than two weeks! I can not wait for that to happen. Buying the house and going through the process has been a headache, but it will be over very soon. Then we will be able to enjoy our lovely new home :)

But really all of you guys know about the stuff I just wrote, so I'll try to write about something you don't know.

I have been on a mission to become a better person. Well really I guess that's sort of always happening, but I've been working really hard on it lately. Every time I start to say something negative towards someone in my head or aloud, and this includes talking negative to myself, I stop and find something positive about the person to say instead. This has actually been very helpful. I'm not as hateful towards certain people like I use to. I have been trying to judge less and be more understanding. I've been trying really hard to reach out more, and lend a helping hand to anyone who needs it. I'll have to say that this has been the hardest of all the things, because, well sometimes I am just plain selfish!

I realized that it's not my place to judge other people. It's not my place to think negatively towards other people. Only God has the right to judge. Him and Him alone. I have been letting a lot of things just kind of roll off my back. Not only is it wrong to worry, judge, and serve only yourself, but it is also very hurtful. And I'm not talking about it hurting others, I'm talking about it hurting yourself. What is my mindset when I say that person that I don't even know is disgusting? How is this beneficial to me? What do I gain when I stress over things that others say and do? What can be gained from only serving myself, and never helping those around me? I'll tell you what happens. When you speak negatively about others you lose sight of the beauty that is in this world. You train your mind to constantly think that way, and you only ever see the bad. You begin to always think negatively about yourself as well. You lose happiness. When you stress over things people have done or said to you, then you give them power over your life. You are hurting only yourself. It's not beneficial, because you are the one stressed now, not the person who did the wrong. By only serving yourself, you become very bitter. You miss out on the joy that is gained when you help out others. There is so much joy felt when you are able to serve others and love others. It's such a great feeling!

Life is full of struggles. It will never be all butterflies and flowers. How you handle these struggles makes you who you are. How you chose to live and act is your own choice. You have to live with yourself, noone else. So be a person you would love to live with, rather than the horrible room mate you can't wait to kick out!